either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
