I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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