I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
