we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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