did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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