life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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