Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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