I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's get the cat blown out
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
