So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
