dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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