Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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