i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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