You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
