It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
