god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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