I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
