then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
