yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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