Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
