she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
