Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
