News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
