You're my little dorito
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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