i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
