Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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