i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
