You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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