I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
