Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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