when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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