Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
