i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
