Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
did i just pee glitter
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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