My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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