Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
