I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I want a musical about memes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
