If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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