is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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