my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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