I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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