how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
