the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
