she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
NoShamevember. You game?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
