I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
