Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.

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(917): View more from New York City

half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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(216): View more from Ohio

She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?

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(209): View more from California

I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.

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(530): View more from California

Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.

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