My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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