You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
