If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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