But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
