just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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