my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Who died my cat blue again?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
