i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize