Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
