i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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