i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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