You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
