she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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