she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
