I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
