...so i touched it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
