is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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