Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
